Daily Archive

Something has really been depressing me lately and I decided that, rather than hide it yet again, I’d bring it out into the open. Mostly because I know (and hope) I can’t possibly be the only person feeling this way right now.

I need some advice. Or maybe I just need some motivation. Okay. I really just need a big hug. Lots of them.

Over the past few months, good news has been coming in at a whirlwind pace for many of my friends. A few of my good friends are now engaged. Two of them, in fact, are getting married today (Congrats Killa and Freezertroll!) and another couple are getting married in late July. Some more good friends are getting ready to welcome new additions into the family and a few more are getting ready to relocate with new jobs and new paths to travel. This is all wonderful news. It’s incredible news. But, at the same time, I can’t help but feel like the little sister tearfully waving goodbye from the house doorstep while her family speeds down the road to bigger things.

Drawing and coloring in the maps was the fun part of geography class. Identifying the features came later. Learning how to follow the map, with time, was a way to blaze new trails and show off what you learned. But, building your own map? Well, that’s something much more difficult to pick up on because it involves making your own features, your own roads and your own decisions.

I’m 26 now. I love the guy I’m dating and I love my friends, but at the same time, I’m sad that so many people have learned the craft of map building and might just forget someone who needs a bit of extra help in that subject. I never struggled in school. I’ve never made anything less than an A, but I feel like I’m failing in this all-important subject of life.

 Do I want to get married? No. But maybe one day. Do I want to have kids? No. But possibly in the future. Do I want to move away and maybe try going back to school for another degree? Yes, soon. But right now, I enjoy sledding in the snow down huge hills. I enjoy going fishing and having the fish pull me around the pond. I enjoy going to local shows, festivals, hangouts, ballgames and driving ranges. I enjoy sitting on porches, reading books, talking to friends about most anything. I still cry at “Old Yeller” and get a big pink moustache after drinking too much Strawberry Crush.

That’s me. That’s who I am. And, in a way, I never want to leave the child inside me behind. 

I still enjoy coloring the map and learning the features of it. In a few years, I’ll get out some blank paper and draw a new one when I’m good and ready.

Until then, please don’t forget me. Don’t leave me behind.

Now, can I have a hug?